In a box

Thursday, 31 January 2013

Saved :))


Am listening to this,
now.

Save Your Heart for Me

Walk along the lake with someone new
Have yourself a summer fling or two
But remember I'm in love with you and
Save your heart for me

When the summer moon is on the rise
And you're dancing under starlit skies
Please don't let the stars get in your eyes, just
Save your heart for me

When you're all alone, far away from home
Someone's gonna flirt with you
I won't think it's wrong if you play along
Just don't fall for someone new


When the autumn winds begin to blow
And the summertime is long ago
You'll be in my arms again I know, so
Save your heart for me
Darlin', save your heart for me

Please remember I'm in love with you so
Save your heart for me
Darlin', save your heart for me


Listening to this,
I dont weep,like you ;p

I savour it,I do
saved, I said

I think of it,am touched :))
and pray that you're safe
Silly
>.^

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6N80zTBmtE

MY,now


Running and running
Task by task:

MPP
International Culture Festival
Chinese New Year Celebration

Events and events
Inbox and inbox
Text and text
Email and email
Phone call and phone call

During my holiday

Awaiting me before am back

Dizzling @.@


Just completed MPP report
Whats coming up next?

Giggling :p

Cause am blessed.

Listen!

Busy life:
Am in love with you

Soon-to-be-busier-life:
I'd be fallen for you more

Silly me for today

Busy me
Busy you

MY.
>.^


Wednesday, 30 January 2013

那个男人


那个男人。
我是这么称呼他。

大学长假回家来,正逢小学和中学的开学月,住家附近的幼儿园也一如往常充斥着孩子们的稚气和无邪的气息。

每每早晨被孩子们琅琅读书声而睁开惺忪双眼,总是会心的,笑。

一次早上,耳际传来孩子们拼了小命拉高音的歌唱声,我在窃笑中苏醒。好温馨的早晨。尤其,当新年歌曲一字一句从他们小嘴里浑水摸鱼、懵懵懂懂如同周杰伦出道时候那般口 齿不清的唱出来时,可爱,当然不再话下。你会觉得,孩子们真的很可爱,从他们的歌声,听见已经逐渐从你我身上逝去的[无忧无虑]。

尔,回来的这几天,毅然察觉,孩子们天真的读书声慢慢地被一把对我来说是陌生,没听过的嗓子。

且,是[讨人厌]的一把声音。

没有夸大其词,让我实实在在觉得讨厌、浑身不自在的声音。

我问:男老师不都是比较耐心的吗?
或者,换个说法:选择当老师的男生,不是大多数是富耐性和爱心的吗?何况是幼教老师?




如果说刻板印象(stereotype) 让社会认为男老师大多较耐心且富有爱心,举手投足,我不反对。扪心自问,从幼儿园到大学,执教过我的男老师们,没有一位是不疼爱我们的。

人家常说爸爸比较疼爱女儿,那么这和男老师比较疼爱女学生的道理绝对是异曲同工。
记忆中教导过我的男老师能说几乎每一位都让我印象深刻,也让我钦佩爱戴。

St.Henry 那位自妈咪之后成了我英文启蒙老师的Sir;一年级的友族国文老师En Hashim;五年级科学老师黄奕通老师、对我的百万个[为什么]总是耐心回答的数学和科学老师上官乃良老师、打开我对国文兴趣的Cikgu New;初中一的体健老师Encik Zaidi 、中三中四对我的写作兴趣和华文造诣影响甚深的Mr.Boo、为我耐心解释物理原理的物理补习老师Mr.Ong;低六的普通试卷老师Encik Nordin ;High School 时光那位一星期里几乎天天早晚都见面,严苛却有着父亲般微笑的化学老师Sir Tan Kim Ta 、普通试卷兼级任的可爱Cikgu Zulkifli 、干爹生物老师Mr.Lee、Maths T 补习老师阿Soh;到现在大一Communication & Society 的慈父教授Prof Mus 、人类学的Rockstar-wannabe讲师Sir Nicholas。没忘记,一直关心我的二胡老师,曾国雄老师。

还有,在天堂的 Cikgu Tan。

他们秉持的是我没齿难忘的细心和耐心。对于女学生的问题总会细心回答,我们犯错了也只会被轻声地说几句。尤其,在High School 的时光,这种情况,常有。

男同学会反击说是因为我们是女生,所以待遇不同。

无置可否。

男老师对女学生总会本能地流露出一双父爱流溢的眸子。

也许这样说会引来些些公愤。
那么,就把主题人物(people subject) 换成六岁的小瓜们,怎样?



我不是正规的教师,对于办教育我还仿佛呱呱落地的新生婴儿般。但是秉持已经根深蒂固的理想,自身对教育工作者一职一直有着持续性的观察与原则。任职补习中心的八个月,说长不长,说短,我却学习了许多宝贵的经验,为往后的教育工作铺上一个无与能比的开始。

那个男人。我要说的,那个男人。

不是批评。只是质疑。讨厌。他对六岁孩子们的怒吼和威胁时的态度。

当然,对于他的教学法,我不能说什么。我不是圣洁的圣母玛利亚,也非崇高的孔子。
唯独,我对他的那把声音,就是,听不下去。



"我要你们现在马上把叫妈妈签名的纸拿出来放在桌子上!
我不管你有没有签,我要现——在——马上放在桌子上!"

" XXX, 我有叫你吵闹吗?怎么那么吵?安——静——!"

"嘿,你们已经六岁了叻,还听不懂华语是吗?"

" 我叫你们安静! "

"快点!五——四——三——"

"我是为你们好!你们知道吗??!"

看起来,这些话,很正常?

问:为什么听起来会令我浑身不自在且讨厌万分?
因为在他眼前,听他那把高贝分且偶尔歇斯底里的怒吼和燥郁声量的,是一群仅仅六岁的孩子

于是,前天我又听见他重复说了这段话:
" 你们听不懂是吗? 六岁了叻,还听不不懂蛤? ''

我心疼的是,坐在他眼前那些高度仅仅只在他膝盖之高的小瓜,会不会吓着了?



能谅解偶尔小瓜们真的是不知天高地厚地吵闹和嬉戏而让我们老师忍无可忍。但是,要想在幼儿园任职,得做好心理准备。倘若觉得自己性格暴躁不能承受孩子们变幻莫测 、花样百出的态度举止(kerenah),大可从一开始就认明方向,就不要踏入教育的殿堂,何况是纯洁的幼教世界。

无法控制自身的脾气和情绪,如何将孩子们掌握于手心呢?

自知之明,才不会弄巧反拙,卸了自己的面具。

这让我想起,曾经有位男同学就直率坦白地跟我说,他一看见小孩便会耐压不住厌烦,受不了小孩子的吵闹和种种闹别扭的举止,所以从不涉及有关小孩的行业。

听了,撇开对他的个人看法,我想这是至少该有的想法与概念。

既是竟然知道自身呆不下修禅院,就不要跑去打静坐。



当今社会许多脑袋想着:这年头当老师的最好赚。

这种想法确实存在。却是种层面性的思考。不置褒贬。毕竟不能否认今日七八十后的父母对孩子们的教育开销过度奢侈:补这科,学那门,上这堂,回头来惨的不是在下家长们的口袋破财,而是孩子们的本该属于天真无邪,无忧无虑,热情洋溢,欢天喜地,乐不可支,怡然自得,眉开眼笑
——的童年就这样被多余的虚荣心给抹杀。
简单而言, 就是现在的家长很舍得花钱在孩子的教育上,管它是需要的还是不必要
所以,人们便把焦镜头定格在所谓的"受益人"  ——老师。

于是,又冒出了一群觉得"做老师好赚"的新新人类。于是又于是便莫拉拉的跑去找了一顶[老师]的冠带一带,占一占人类灵魂工程师的光。

所以现在那些被称为[老师]的老师,并非每位都肩负着教育下一代的使命。也许,这能说明为什么有位老师对着我的六年级宝贝比中指,却到现在还带着[老师]的冠继续[教书]。

大家,在以前的年代,老师是崇高的职业。Take Note.



就是那么一次,听见街坊安娣串门子时候传来的一席令人无法不能对这现实社会行军礼的福建对话:

"呃,依习老师叻! "
("呃,她是老师叻,老——师——,叻。")

“哇,做老师呃坦金最率叻!”
(“哇,当老师的赚很多钱叻!”)

"习咯,即尊做老师厄今坦$,依套及口geh厄薪水已更习成瓦口料咯!"
("是咯,现在当老师赚很多钱,她第一个月的薪水就已经有千出块了! '')

晕眩不?



不要为了向钱看而选择当老师。诚心实意欲当个教育工作者的人,所持的态度与那些为了教育以外的理由而选择当老师的人,截然不同。而且,很显著的不同。

好比一些正在当老师的人儿们,若无其事的告诉你:其实当老师/教授一开始就不是我的志愿。蛤,你可以看得出这人平日对待学生和教育的态度。

信不信?观察看看。

毕竟,做事[从心出发]是最基本的原则,倘若不是发自内心的真诚,尤其是办教育这门学问,绝对到不了教育界的最高天穹:越教越快乐的境界。
你跟我说你要办教育,可是好几次当着我面,对六七岁的人怒吼恐吓,孩子们做错了哭泣不是因为知错而是因为被你鞭怕得皮开肉绽而痛苦,你说你一心要办教育?

从小学一直到现在,幸运之神眷顾,让我一直在优秀的学校和班级学习,所遇到的良师个个让我钦佩爱戴。他们心里早已长着一棵紮了根的教育树,屹立不倒的树,从一而终只为教育奉献的树。这些老树,培育着新一代的优良小树。也是新树永远的榜样与楷模。


箭头指回来,那个男人。

我不晓得他是持着什么样个心态来执教,也许他是全心全意想要当老师,抑或对他而言纯粹只是份领薪水的工作。怎样都好,孩子们受了你的[恐龙吼],班上几十位小瓜里,想必定有一二被他吓得屁滚尿流。

第 一,这间幼儿园里的老师从来不曾出现过诸如此类的[凶老师]。再者,您骂人时候也没忘了他们是群六岁的瓜。拜托,六岁,不是十六岁。六岁的孩子,就是失踪 小振忠的年纪哪!你二三十岁的大叔,却分不清,对谁应该用怎样贝分的声量,对几岁的学生应该运用怎样的耐心和量度,对六岁的孩子应当施以哪种教学法。不知 道的人以为他正在对十六岁的中四生闲谈,不足为奇。说话的口吻十足像极我和老哥在家闲聊的方式。老师,您确定在您解释如何分辨"man"和"boy" 以及"woman"和 "girl"是所用及的那套方式,孩子们明白吗?

六岁的孩子们,天真活泼,天真烂漫,伶牙利齿,少年老成,浩然正气,率真可爱,活灵活现的孩子们应享有的幼儿园生活,不应该在压迫和威胁似的环境中度过。物极则倾,到头来孩子们本该是欢乐且充实的童年将会慢慢的被威胁,怒吼,责骂和害怕给抹杀。


这位大叔,您知道吗?幼儿园是大多数孩子们第一次接触[老师]的地方哪,您这么做,不就是在他们的小小脑袋里植入:[大人是恐怖的,老师是恶魔]一概念吗?

静止。我说过,对于他的教学法,我不能作出批评。但是,这真的太明显的,[不妥]。

不要让自己成为幼小心灵的梦魇。



虽说现在的小孩子有时候并不是小孩子,这点我举双脚赞同。"千娇百态"的小孩子确实有时候令人发指。
然而,即使孩子们如何耍坏如何挑战我的底线,由始至终,对我而言,孩子心理住着一个孩子。
孩子始终是孩子。
''恩赐''他们那些讨人厌态度:双手不离Ipad,双耳紧系Ipod,双指滑不开Iphone——的,是家长们本身。别告诉我你的孩子[讲不听],[教不乖],[学不乖]。
他们是您的镜子。他们就是您们的缩影。

忽然间,想起一位只大我十来岁的学生家长,曾一脸无辜的对我诉说她的皇太子儿子是如何[教不正]。



明天早上,我又会听见那个男人的[动人嗓子],又要听到他一天里面不知道要使出多少次的[招牌威胁]:

"快点!五——四——三——二——一——!"

忘了,最近一次,他改了口头禅,改成了加长版。从[十]开始算起:
"十——九——八——七——六———— "


那个男人,让我浑身不自在的声音。



Children,are born to be loved.

















结束这篇文章之前,我想起了Ms.Wong曾在布满数学方程式的黑板上写下这么一句话:

" To have meaningful learning in the class. "
                                                                                  ——————Ausebelle


Friday, 25 January 2013

Silent Night




24012013 2306



The first time I stayed up at night,since the day am back to my awesome home.
Trying to avoid sleeping late when am home.
Nevertheless, kick is urging me,this night.

Sitting right in front of my desk, in this silent night.
Love to study in the silent night, kick is just a glut when the night comes.
Silence fills the night air.

Unspeakable familiarity filled my lil heart.
When my eyes swept over the entire desk, I saw lots of memories.

Those days I burnt midnight oil for my STP's Maths T and Biology.
Those years crazily pursued for my dreams and striked for my targets.
Those silly trice when I kept pushing myself to work hard for a terminal.

Those times I sat in front of my desk and prayed for everything.
Those moments where I caught myself smiling alone and tearing right in front of the desk.
Those seconds when I sat there anxiously and went off into wild flights of fancy.

Those wonderful jiff when I received the concern that I'd been waiting for.
Those dark nights where I spent my time for a lonely heart.
Those nights where I waited for an companion, unconsciously.

And after so long, am back to my lil domain.
The place I spent my STP life with.
The memorable lil study desk, my lil wonderland.
 
And carefully, gradually,
I have to wrap those memories debris and tenderly,
preserve them.
So to let my smile persist along my journey,without the existence of those memories.

So to build up new memories, on my new lovely desk.






Move on.Moved on.















































 

Thursday, 24 January 2013

Too


So this early morning, I thought of a dialogue:

" I cant give you anything."

Perhaps, its gonna be a halt, when I think I couldn't give you anything.
Lets imply this dialogue on me.
Am I allowed?


I dont know. And you dont even know.

The more I thought, the more I became awake.

Its awful to hide my feeling.
I only know this when my heart was aching the day we fought.

All these made me think of a stranger's shadow which am trying to forget.
Those days when I was asked "why?"
And I answered "I dont know."


Yes ,
am acting like I dont care.
am acting like I dont give a damn.
am acting like I slip you off my mind during the apart.

Whether or not, it doesnt matter.

If those words are true, they shall be mine.



Too.
My.


Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Proud of You


So I have gotten the first academic result in my uni life.

Over the moon?
Frankly, I was delighted for the very first moment. And told mommy this first hand news once I saw the award column,last night.

Best moment when your name appears in the award list stating that Kepujian Dekan is belonged to you.

Stupid enough, still I asked my sweety what does it mean. And she laughed aloud over the phone,said
"Thats similar to Dean's List laa!"

And then this morning, checked the current results of mine after knowing that they are finally released. They look nice, but I gonna think that they are just satisfactory.

Cause I know thorny life is awaiting.

Challenges never ceased.

So I pray that am going to proceed cause I know am blessed.
Thank God.

So to let my kor feel glad, at least a lil joy in his middle of exhaustion after rushing tons of freelances.

"Congrats ris!!Thank u for tellin me.very proud of u! Belanja u eat k! ......"

I felt his joyness and I closed my eyes with music in my ears.

Life is never a bed of roses
So I remember what dad told me once.

With the strength and bleesing that is gifted to me, I pray that am doing better. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow,and the following days.


A better me.
So I ended my joy today with the song "Only hope" by Mandy Moore.

To be only yours
I pray

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Domino Effect


  
 “  我想成为一个很厉害的人
因为有了我
让这个世界
而有一点点的不一样
而我的世界
不过就是你的心  ”

So this noun, led me to this movie dialogue.
Just once, let me be such childish.

Domino Effect,多米诺骨牌效应。
 

Dreamer


So eventually I gain my kick, during my deep sleep this early morning.

Dreamer.

Writers are dreamers. I believe. Most of the time.

Scenes appeared and conquered the nights, with chill , with warmth, with laughter, with smile, with fear and, with tears. Numerous time waking up with watery eyes and silent expression. The next moment, the dreamer turns herself into a writer, in her world.

A dreamer is a writer. A writer is a dreamer.
Turning all fragments of dream encountered into words is never an easy task. But I enjoy. Savour the happiness in the entire process. Every time I encounter the person in my dream, am blessed that, I never slip you out of my mind. I know I would never forget those memories, regardless of how hurtful they are. So I jot them down into words and preserve them, carefully, gently.
Silly? Perhaps. But this is just the way I am.

Cause you would never know, when a person put your name in her pray in the night.

Writers are journalists. I believe. Most of the time.

Both of them are social scientists who go in parallel every time they carry out their observations.
Observe, not stalk.
To love, is to keep in the bottom of our heart.And record every moment in our lil mind. And always pray that they are safe with the blessings of God.
Its a bless, to record every happy moment, and appreciate every single lil thing that is gifted to me.

"Sis, how have you been?"
So I received a simple text from my lil bro yesterday.   

How adorable he was. To let me know that he has made a new girlfriend for half of the year already,and told me her fb name.

"I want you to be a great boy, yet I dont want you to be hurt."

Showering a love to a lil bro, I wish he is not going to be hurt again. Knowing him during my high school life. And he is such a candor silly boy.And now he is a lawyer wanna be with a girl by his side. Sincerely wish that he has found a right one and always keep his smile on his reddish cheek.

See, a simple matter can be one of the chapters in my journal.

I dont fall for someone easily,but I love everyone around me.
We human are mandated to spread our love.


Writers are travelers. I believe. Most of the time.
 
I carry words with every step of mine.Words twisted and structured in my lil mind every single moment. Being lil silly, yearning to be a traveler and voyager is my lil yet large wish. And shoot every single view on earth.Hey you, be my photographer, will ya?

Wishing to be a traveler, a writer has plenty of plan and blueprint for life, which are yet to be crystallized. This is the reason why once I answered my English teacher, I only get into marriage in the age of 32. Cause life is too short for many things to be completed.
Countless stuff are awaiting me.

Writers are hope giver. I dont deny. Sometimes.

Words are essential in my life. Being a word person, I express my feelings via every single alphabet and stroke. No doubt, you can trust me when I say I miss you or I love you. But please forgive me, sometimes am just unable to overcome myself and sometimes, I told myself to step back. I hold myself back, for some reasons that make you to say that am unpredictable. And, ego is always the sharpest weapon that seize me.

Only if we can be who we are till the end of the day.
There are always reasons why I refuse somethings and hold myself back.


So I ended my dream today with the song " Life is like a Song".


I miss you。


Monday, 21 January 2013

Sunday, 20 January 2013

So Goodbye


This moment, am listening to the song "So Goodbye".

So I named this post with this title. Meaning? Beats me. This post of mine today supposed to be a very paramount one, to me.Simply because this is the first and last blog since I left my blogger world before departing to uni,with unspeakable feelings. Nevertheless, I started it with numbness, in this breezing afternoon.
Pathetic? I guess.And you are the crux of my numbness. Frankly.

Yea, I dont give a damn.

This song keeps repeating in my lil mind. Cant stop listening to it. Some memories just colonized my lil brain. Especially after some pictures clearly appeared and flash over my eyes.

Back to the purpose of blogging today. I have completed my first semester in my uni. Like it or not, I ve undergone every moment of my uni life with laughter and blessed smile. It isnt a choice, it is a decision. I got strength from everyone who loves me. Appreciate what am gifted.


Blaming myself for abandoning my blogger world as it is such a huge waste for not jotting down every single second and moment I ve gone through on that piece of land where I have never thought of going. And of course, lots of pictures are not able to be included in my lovely EyeMine. Wasted.
But, please allow me to defend myself, my life is indeed damn busy, even now during holiday, am still on duty. Events are awaiting.

You know what, the people I have met, the experience I have assimilated, the love I have felt and the tiredness and exhaustion I have experienced,they lighted up my life. From study stuff to event management to gorgeous friends and housemates, I have a great uni life. Growing up? Yes. Affirmative. I have never felt like this before. Its so much different from the me in years ago. Participation and involvements which my mommy wont ever expect me to do.Doubt, what has changed me. No doubt, nobody and nothing. I changed myself. Perhaps,no changes at all.Or these are what I really keen to do.

Some people and some lessons taught me to be calm and determined and strong. And only smile can bring calmness and peace in deep heart. Agree or not, I dont know. But this is how a pair of Eyes look at the world. This silly girl,looking the world.

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Knowing what is the most prioritized goal and thing to be achieved is the only route leading to a simple life. To make life simple is to know which route is ought to be taken.  Remembering you told me to look forward, I told myself to inhale every breath in my daily life. Everyone is having own life. And mine, simple to say, happy life.

Life is short. One semester in a land which I have never been to and far away from family, I encountered  countless sucks things as well as wonderful scenes. Its my learning stage. Life isnt easy man. People surround me are leaving one after one,it is so real and those heard from friends indeed made me chilled. Afraid? Nope. Yes. Perhaps. Afraid of losing people I love. In life,we never know what is the next piece of chocolate we are going to grab from the chocolate box.



Somehow, one day,I will overcome myself and accept the only thing that I have not accepted yet,till today. It takes time. I pray.


Just to appreciate what is gifted and fated.

We cant change, " But we've to question."
Throughout a long conversation with my beloved bro,this is what deeply imprinted in my lil mind.
We have to question. And I have too many questions,yet to be answered.
But sometimes,knowing that they arent going to be answered, I created my own scheme.

Still seeking for some kick to back to my EyeMine. Have too much to express.And thousands of mesmerizing pictures taken during uni life are to be kept in my lil world.

Finding myself is more keen to express my feeling to the persons I love,nowadays. My lovely roommate once told me, perhaps am a "Word person". Perhaps. Theres a person who taught me to speak more of sweet talks. Sweet talk, but they are true and sincere when they are spout out from me. At least, people are pleasant with the words, sometimes. And you know what, it is blessed when the person you love smile brightly when you say that to them.

Thats is why I told my bro that I miss him during the Xmas night,which I never said that to him before. Give me clapclap,Kor :P
So am back in my lovely home last week. Happiness embracing me even till today. Being a girl who never have any sign of homesick, I was so delighted during the exam week cause it is really pleasuring whenever I think of the day when am back here. When mommy asked me, did you ever missed home? Nope. Affirmative, no. I left home with a heart of leaving. Rather than spending time missing home, I spent more time intoxicating in my Statistic and Anthropology & Sociology.

But you will never imagined how a silly girl singing aloud ,telling the world shes going home.

While every grown-ups asking me the similar questions when they meet me after so long, I replied with the same answer,“Am okay and everything is fine.” Yet, I see the satisfactory smile on them. And these are my honor.

Drenching in the rain of love, thank you for loving me. Pray that coming learning stage would be a funky,challenging and comprehensive one. For now, let me look you in my eye.



Wishing to get back my kick in my loving blog. Waiting.

One day at a time.




So I ended my words with the song "Times of Your Life " by Joanna Wong.

So gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today